Bloomberg has a big story about how THE RUSSIANS! have been blackmailing the poor Democrats, specifically John Podesta’s Center for American Progress: extorting Bitcoins out of them under the threat the hackers will reveal true things CAP leaders emailed to each other about how corrupt they are. You could see why they’re worried.

Well, yeah but what’s this stuff about PUTIN! being behind this nefarious Cyber War attack on our shores?: The hackers allegedly “have used some of the techniques that security experts consider hallmarks of Cozy Bear.”

Oh. That’s really a very, very convincing case you’ve made there Mr. Journalist. Convincing and compelling too.

And we know Cozy Bear is PUTIN! because… Oh. We don’t:

“Impressive? Not to independent tech experts who have already begun taking potshots. Sam Biddle, The Intercept’s extremely smart tech writer, notes that CrowdStrike claims to have proved that Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear are Russian because they left behind Cyrillic comments in their “metadata” along with the name ‘Felix Edmundovich,’ also in Cyrillic, an obvious reference to Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky, founder of the Cheka, as the Soviet political police were originally known.

“But, Biddle observes, there’s an obvious contradiction: ‘Would a group whose ‘tradecraft is superb’ with ‘operational security second to none’ really leave behind the name of a Soviet spy chief imprinted on a document it sent to American journalists? Would these groups really be dumb enough to leave Cyrillic comments on these documents? …  It’s very hard to buy the argument that the Democrats were hacked by one of the most sophisticated, diabolical foreign intelligence services in history, and that we know this because they screwed up over and over again.’”

Will their horrifying aggression against us never end?