Thursday, May 28, 2009 Again, May God Forgive Us The kid was hurting very bad and they covered all the doors with sheets. Then when I heard screaming I climbed the door because on top it wasn’t covered and I saw [name withheld] who was wearing a military uniform, putting his [male appendage] into the […]

Saturday, May 30, 2009 “Just A Child With A Temper” Caveat lector: This post contains some subject-appropriate unsavory language.Nothing to see here — just move along: Irma Marquez, who was not abused by Yonkers Police Officer Wayne Simoes, recuperates from the non-abuse she didn’t experience at his hands. At the time this photo was taken, […]

Thursday, June 4, 2009 And We, Like Sheep…. Nothing Personal — It’s strictly business: Professional antagonists Sam Sheepdog and Ralph Wolf (not to be mistaken for his more famous cousin, Wile E. Coyote), prepare for a day of mayhem among the sheep. After leading police on a long chase near the same Slauson Cutoff made […]

Monday, June 8, 2009 Cheney’s Revenge: Coming to a Police Station Near You (UPDATED, 6/10) Ryan S. Smith of Niagara Falls, New York, is a 21-year-old ex-con suspected of taking part in a vicious kidnapping and robbery. He is, quite likely, a fairly nasty specimen of humanity. Whether or not that’s the case, he will […]

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 “It’s The Money” Rancher Seaborn Tay (after several of his employees became rustlers): “What do you reckon it is that makes a man go to hell like that?”Faithful Ranch Hand: “It’s the money, Mr. Tay.”Conn Conhager (disgustedly): “The money…. God help us if that’s all it is.”What is it that turns […]

Friday, June 12, 2009 The Tragedy and Farce of Collective Guilt (UPDATED, June 13) Dark Helmet, evil ruler of the Spaceballs: Before you die, Lone Star, there is something you should know about us.Lone Star, intrepid if thick-headed space hero: What?Dark Helmet (with triumphant menace): I … am your father’s, brother’s, nephew’s, cousin’s former roommate.Lone […]

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 An American “Yezhovschina”? Maxwell Smart: Are you a psychologist, Dr. Stueben? Dr. Stueben: I’m the president of the psychologist society for mental health and adjustment through fulfillment. Smart: What kind of an organization is that? Stueben: We’re a hate group.Smart (following a double-take): A hate group?Stueben: Oh, in the sense that […]

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 Totalitarianism In One City: Shreveport’s Gun-Grabbing Mayor Shreveport’s Big Boss Man, Cedric Glover, and unidentified flunky: According to Glover, an advocate of civilian disarmament, his police have the power to “suspend” the rights of any motorist they stop, and can seize a civilian’s firearms at will. Not that long ago, bigoted […]

Friday, July 3, 2009 A Covenant With Death Gory, gory hallelujah: A “shock and awe” assault on Baghdad, above; below, right, a “liberated” Iraqi mourns a dead relative. We have made a covenant with death, and with hell are we at agreement; when the overflowing scourge shall pass through, it shall not come unto us; […]

Tuesday, July 7, 2009 The Civil Religion and the Seventh-Inning Stretch (Updated, 7/8) “Love it! Love it! WE COMMAND YOU TO LOVE IT!!!” Jingoism rears its head at a post-9/11 Major League Baseball game. “There is … a purely civil profession of faith of which the Sovereign should fix the articles…. While [the State] can […]